About Me

I thought it might be time to update my “About Me” information for those of you interested.

Before I share about my battle with addiction however….I thought I would add a few more details to round out the picture a bit. :-)

I was born and raised in southern California.  Spent my summers hanging out by the pier at Seal Beach.  Ahhh….to be a young surfer girl again!   After graduating from college…I made a handful of hops around the country (including back to Cali for a few years) and eventually ended up in the mountains of Utah where I have lived now for 17 years.

After I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Broadcast Journalism…I spent 3 months in the Big Apple doing an internship at ABC News and CNN. Actually had the privilege of working in the lobby of one of the the Twin Towers. It was an experience I will never forget and was the beginning of my life-long love affair with NYC. I would make quarterly sojourns there if I could…hopefully, someday I will!

After that, I spent a couple of years as a TV news reporter in a small market in North Dakota of all places!  Southern California girl moves to North Dakota in the middle of winter! My friends and family thought I had lost my mind…I was almost convinced of it myself!  But it was a great experience and I met the man I would end up marrying there…so I guess it was a “good thing”. :-)  After getting married we spent some time in the Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul) where I worked as a producer for a daily talk show. A few years later, when I started my family, I adopted the title of “professional Mom” for several years.  When my youngest was about 3 years old…I got back into the biz…this time producing a daily talk show in Salt Lake City.  I spent 5 fun-filled years producing Good Things Utah at KTVX-TV and was privileged to work with some of the most talented and wonderful people I’ve ever met.

All of this has been great experience (and material) for my latest endeavor….blogger!  Hands down the most fulfilling and creatively challenging thing I’ve ever done. I can honestly say, I am enjoying every minute of it. I hope you are too!

Of course, as we all know, into each life a little rain (or a lot) must fall….and approximately 10 years ago my fairly smooth life’s path suddenly turned frighteningly bumpy and the clouds decided to let loose!

I share my “story” not to shine the spotlight on me, but with the hope that if there is someone out there who has or is currently trodding the same path I did…they will know they are not alone.

Some of you may know that I have battled and am currently winning the battle with addiction. I say currently because as an addict I know there is always that possibility I could end up back where I started if I’m not vigilant. So I continue to fight the battle one day at a time…taking great joy in each and every one.

A little background…

It seems like yesterday….it seems like a million years ago…but February 20th, 2008 is the day I celebrated my 46th birthday, and is the day I graduated from a residential treatment program for substance abuse called the Ark of Little Cottonwood.  Thanks to the angels there, I am here today. I can’t say enough about the people and the place so I won’t even try except to say that if you or anyone you care about is suffering from the nightmare of addiction, you will not go wrong seeking help from them. They literally and figuratively and every way possible, saved my life.

How I got to the Ark is a long story, one I could write a novel about (stay tuned!) but in a somewhat Reader’s Digest form, it goes like this:

About 10 years ago I started going through what I can only describe as a mid-life crisis. I was married with 4 wonderful kids and had everything I thought I ever wanted…and I was miserable. I wanted “more” than the life I had carved out for myself to that point and started looking for new ways to live it. That in and of itself might not have been such a bad thing, but unfortunately the choices I made led me down a dark and perilous path.  If there’s one thing I hope to convey to everyone who reads this, it’s that none of us know our propensity to become addicted!  It can happen to A N Y O N E!

A little more background…

I started drinking socially at first. Innocent enough huh? Alcohol, the social lubricant. I just wanted to have a little “fun”!  And actually there would be a few “good” years before it actually began to turn ugly. But when it did…well, it was UGLY. I actually remember the day when something particularly upsetting happened in my life and for the first time I drank with the sole intention of it numbing the pain. And you know what?  It worked!!  It worked really, really well!  It’s almost impossible to feel pain when all your senses are altered. And it IS impossible to feel pain when you’re passed out. At that point all the pain goes away…..for awhile.  Unfortunately, it’s only hiding, waiting, gathering strength for a tremendous comeback.  That is how it started. I drank to numb the pain which only multiplied the pain I would feel later.  And on and on it went for about a year and a half when my life was finally spinning so out of control that my family sought out the help for me that I couldn’t seem to find for myself. That’s when the miracle of the Ark entered my life.  Don’t get me wrong…I did not go waltzing in there willingly (as my family and counselors will attest to), but my life was so far out of control that even in my chemically altered brain I somehow knew I had to do this.

A second chance….

I entered the Ark on December 5th and graduated 72 days later on my birthday. :-)  So now I have two birthdays to celebrate on that date.  My belly button birthday and my RE-birthday. When I was given a second chance at life.  I often say “I should either be dead or in jail”.  That is not just for the shock value either.  I really should be one of those things.  But because of an amazing AMAZING family and my Higher Power that NEVER left me, I have been given that second chance at life.

The present and future….

This website is part of that new life.  When I was in the Ark my counselors taught me many important things, but one that was crucial for me was that I needed to find my passion and pursue it!  They didn’t just say it was a good idea….they said that for me it was mandatory if I wanted to stay sober. After a few stops and starts, I feel I have finally found that passion I’ve been searching for through this blog.  The only thing that could make it better for me is if you find it useful!  I hope you do.

So there you go. A bit more about me. Hopefully it will help someone, somewhere to know they are not alone, they are not “the only one”.  Believe me, I know how that feels.

Once again, thanks for stopping by. I hope you come back often. And please feel free to share your story with me. While I can’t respond to them all….I read each and every one and draw strength and inspiration from you!

jill5

Comments

  1. TAM says

    Jillie,

    Your story is so similar to mine. You are not alone.. nor am I!!! The only thing I haven’t accomplished yet in my recovery is fullfilling my passion.
    Mine has always been writing.
    I have spent the last month searching the internet for a way to get started online with my writing passion in a way that I can use it to help others.
    I am so glad I found your site. It was very helpful to me with the article about cleaning stove burners with ammonia.
    That is how I found you. Then I went to your HOME page and found this article and it helped me so much,
    you don’t even know.
    I know I have to keep working every day to find a way to share my passion with others in order to help them.
    The program I went through says that I MUST help others and by doing so I will keep what I have been given which is sobriety.

    Thanks,
    Tam

    • says

      Wow, Jillee!! This is an amazing story! God has been so gracious to you, by giving you those people at the Ark! It’s amazing, isn’t it, how He uses people, just to bring us to where He needs us to be? None of us, would be anywhere without Him :-)

      I love your blog!! I am on here EVERY day!! Can’t miss, One Good Thing!!! NOT EVEN *ONE*!! Thanks for all you do, and I will be praying that God will Bless you in many more ways to come!! And I’m so glad, He had used this blog to help women be more knowledgable housewives, and men, to be knowledgable so they can do things when no one is there :-) You have helped make our lives better!!
      Wanda

    • adrianne hurtig says

      I love reading about success stories! Whether baking, cleaning, gardening or life! Recovery does not apply to me, personally, however, my daughter was struck with a horrible pill addiction and has since celebrated 2-1/2 glorious years of sobriety! YAHOO!
      The reason I’m sending this note, Tam, is to share with you what a dear writer friend shared with me: Write. Everyday. Something. Even if it’s horrible…just write.
      So, there it is, my words of encouragement & knowledge! Write.
      Best of luck to you!!
      ~Andi

      • says

        I just had to throw my two cents into this because it is great advice to write something every day even if it’s awful, HOWEVER, one musn’t be discouraged if one fails to manage it.

        I was set free recently by auther Christina Balwin in Storycatcher when she revealed she wrote sporadically in her journal. I always thought I’d mever make it as a writer because I failed to write every day. It gave me such relief to know a multiple published author does not always journal daily. I write when I write and sometimes it’s all day long for weeks at a time and then I don’t write more than a grocery list or a greeting card for a few weeks. It is who I am and I’m just okay with that now.

        Bless you all in your writing and recovery! I too am clean and sober, since January 12, 1990. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday. Although I rarely think of drinking or using anymore, I take life one day at a time and God is my refuge.

        annee

      • says

        I probably don;t belong here. ( Can;t pass the physical). But, for what it may be worth, I offer the perspective of an “alcoholic ” who has never had a drink. When I was a young boy my parents visited Uncle Bill & Aunt Lila. I remember playing marbles with my cousin (their son) David. He wanted to trade some marbles. I agreed because he had some really neat marbles. He traded some of his neat marbles for some of my plain ordinary ones. But I wouldn’t trade any of my neat marbles for any of his. I have always regretted my greedy, stingy, behavior and, since, have considered David to be my superior as a human being. The last time I saw him alive was on the USU campus in Logan, UT. He was visiting from CA and had just graduated from High School in El Segundo. For the many years following, until I saw him in his casket, I had heard reports of how alcoholism had dominated his life, making it impossible for him to hold a job. He could only subsist on welfare, stay home, drink and make babies. The Doctor told him his liver would fail if he continued to drink. He did and it did. He looked older than his father. I’ve always felt that I would have been a worse alcoholic than he was because, as a human being, I considered him my superior. My life has been full of hills and valleys with so many problems and difficulties to overcome. I just can’t imagine how it could possibly have been other than a tragic failure if I had been addicted to alcohol or worse There were always plenty of problems as it was. Eventually I had a life changing experience that helped me deal better with those “plenty of problems. A good friend of mine was killed while riding his motorcycle. A speaker at his funeral, while recounting the wonderful life of accomplishment and professional success he had achieved, said that because of him his wife had had a happy life. To me there could not have been a better report than that to illustrate the success of his l life. That seemed the highest possible praise. It changed my reason for cartwheeling out of bed in the morning. Rather than look for “what’s in it for me” it made all the difference if my purpose became, instead, “if nothing else happens I’ll do all I can to make my beloved wife’s a happy day. Dennis

      • Linda Lou says

        Thank you for your wonderful comments. Very encouraging, inspiring & inspirational. Thank you again for taking the time to share your very helpful information. Sincerely, Linda Lou

      • says

        Jillee, I personally want to thank you for your ability to be very open, honest and willing to let us know you more. And, with your story, I was taken back to 1958 when I entered the broadcasting family/business. I was a disc jockey and was one of the first in my area to play rock and roll. I did not make a big hit with the local folks, but was still interested in making my way with the music that was going to change the world…lol. Although I continued to work on the “off-air” area of broadcasting, I still enjoyed mixing the rock and roll bands that were in the Central Texas and West Texas area that were to become famous in years to come. I was a roadie, mixer and rigger for some years traveling around the USA and Eastern Europe having fun with this “new” type of mixing and the music that allows the whole body and soul to heal with such a joyful beat. Rock and Roll was the coming struts for the youth that were wanting change from what we were raised, how we were raised, and who raised us. On one of the tours, I was introduced to a man from a TV Network who was interested in the way I mixed audio, set audio, designed audio and the like. He asked me to stop by in the next day for an interview. I was offered a job after showing them what I could do with sound equipment they had (which was WWII left overs) and what progress was coming if they wanted to stay current with the new equipment being used and the new stuff coming into the industry. This was my first real knowledge that being an instrument of change does and will impair any of the other progresses that are to come. The older folks at the network and in mixing studios were not very acceptable for this new way of doing the work. I did receive some accolades from the industry, but many of the “behind the camera” recognized as they are today. I, and the crews I worked with, accumulated well over 75 nominations from the Academy and some times we got it in print. I rose to an executive position and was well received throughout the network. I was on the West Coast for 6 months, in D.C. for 3 months and the Big Apple 3 months. This was my life for the next 4..5 years, and all the deviant behaviors came to fruition during this time. Now that I am on the verge of my 4th decade of sobriety, I can look back and enjoy many of the wonderful contributions that I got to make during my time at the “bird”. Your story brought about the wonderful lady of broadcasting Jessica Savage who died tragically and left many goals to achieve for her fellow broadcasters. During my time in broadcasting, I got to work in every state of the USA and the stations that provided the “link” to the hubs of information that are so freely accessible in today’s time. The equipment has changed and continues to change so quickly that I hardly recognize any of the stuff for today’s features, music, TV programs, satellite, and cable programs. My sobriety fit right into my life and I would love to say that i embraced like a long lost loved one; however, this was not the case as the bridges that I destroyed were, in many places, not repairable or unavailable. Through the program designed by a broken down stock broker and a scared proctologist I was able to clean many of the areas and re-ignite my life that was circling the bowl. I found that young man from West Texas and this new found energy plus excellent attitude brought me into areas that were once taboo to me. This process was difficult and burdensome, but well worth the energy as the results brought me into the familiar realm that, at one time, would not allow me to enter. I retired in 1991 and have lead another life that is a true story of exploring frontiers that I only dreamed about when at the broadcasting facility. I got to be on some speaking engagements with the Federal Government programs and in the AA circles. This was very amusing to me as I consider what I have done as part of the responsibility that was laid before me by so many others. I am now living in Atlantic Canada, and the one thing I miss the most is a decent taco and refried beans….lol. My life is full and enjoyable most of the time.
        I want to thank you for your site and the energy that you are able to submit to your viewers, listeners, and other followers. You have another follower here and may you continue the glorious trudging.

    • Lori Heneen says

      Tam,

      thanks for sharing your story!! I truly believe one of life’s greatest gifts, is giving to other’s. It makes us feel better. Whether we share a story, a gift, a helping hand, a product, an ear, a hug or silence! It is what makes us all get back up when knocked down.

      I have worked in medical sales for 10 years and thought I had it all. Great job, healthy, etc. Problems was in the end, I would look at patients coming into offices looking for help, were given a pill and not “help.” I have since left to stay home with my 2 boys (who go to a Montessori school for socialism) and be a better wife and mother. I have never been so happy. I have left behind many “friends” in the last few months realizing they are not true friends, but acquaintances that made me mentally toxic.

      I still need and enjoy working so am now working for a company that has been around almost 30 years and has an A rating with the Better Business Bureau.

      It is has been SO AMAZING!! Although I am just getting started, my checks don’t replace what I was making at my J-O-B, but will with time. But that isn’t what motivates me. I have helped a 30 year old girl who worked at Wal-Greens (meds at her disposal) with severe psoriasis she has had for years with our NATURAL products! I have a customer who thanks me for helping with her pain from arthritis! I have gotten my niece off ADD drugs by giving her 3x a recommended dose of our yummy fish oil. We have such amazing products and are such an ethical company, I just can’t rave about it enough.

      If you are interested in doing something like this to help others while generating an income, I would love to show you all the products and why they are so amazing!!

      Good luck on your road to recovery. We are all here to help each other

      Lori
      lori_drex@yahoo.com

      • Debora says

        Dear Lori, I would like to hear more about what you do. Please tell me about how you are helping others! It has been a lifelong wish of mine to somehow, some way, help others…… I need help myself :-o

      • Sandra C says

        I would like to know more on how to help people. I have never been a addict but would like to help others that I know. Thanks in advance for answering me.

      • Sandy says

        Lori,I would like to hear more about what you do
        that’s what i love doing helping others.
        Thank you
        Sandy Starling

    • Donna L says

      Dear Jillee:

      Thanks so much for sharing your story! I too, am an addict, pretty much for the same reasons as yourself. I got the help I needed because my friends and family had an intervention for me. Yes, I hated them for about 24 hours..and then, I said..I surrender. I am so glad I did. I recently celebrated my 2nd year of sobriety and I never, never..want to go back there, there…being that empty void of loneliness and despair.
      I too, am finding my dreams slowly come true, (by slowly I mean slowly, but hey..one step at a time, right?) I, at the ripe ol’ age of 54, recently went back to college to become a pastry chef and I am LOVING it! I will graduate..one day..or sooner if we win the lottery:). I am doing very well, A average going here, people..not bad for a brain that probably lost quite a few of those “smart cells”.
      You can teach an old dog new tricks!!! Can’t wait to graduate and put on my chef’s hat and go forth into the “real” world again!!

      Take care and God Bless!
      Donna

    • Pam says

      Tam, my daughter calls herself a frustrated writer. So in order for her to vent, she created her own blog and writes…
      She is a single mom of 6 kids. She is very busy & taking care of her kids is her # 1 priority. So now she writes…on her own blog. She writes mostly about her children. Because of her writings, I have gotten an insight to my grand children I may not other wise have gotten.
      So, Tam…WRITE

    • says

      My story is very similar too. It was my husband and my parents who told me that I am an alcoholic and gave me the number of a treatment centre. I phoned them and stayed there for the 28 day program based entirely on AA. That was in 1995 and I haven’t had a drink since.
      Finding recovery turned my life around and that of my family. I love to contact other people with addiction issues and wish you all the very best.
      affectionately, Janet

    • Tracy says

      Tam, perhaps you should try blogging. I am sure it would be challenging at first but you could grow to really love it and find it therapeutic. I am so happy for you that you are actively recovering. It is not an easy thing. Keep positive. I know you will find your way. Always remember God loves us just as we are and will always give us what we need if we just ask.

      Jillee, I love your site and the very helpful information shared. I know I will put into use much of it. Especially the laundry stuff. I am proud of you as well for all you have accomplished and fought your way to overcome. You are an amazing woman and I truly admire you. Thank you for this site and your hard work.

  2. liza jane says

    Amazing life story Jillee! You just keep doin what you do! I know I speak for a ton of people when I say how happy I am that the Good Lord blessed us with you. You have inspired and helped us in so many ways. Thank you so much for continuing this blog (I’m so addicted to it that I check it multiple times a day). I LOVE IT!!!! :-)

  3. says

    Jill~~
    I am an adult child of an alcoholic (my mom) so I can appreciate where you are coming from. Thank you for listening to your family, I know it was just as hard for them to seek help for you. My mom has 20+ years in recovery now. A blessing we do not take lightly. I hope and pray you continue to thrive and find your passion.

  4. Julie says

    Anytime I see the word Recovery, I feel an instant connection with that person. I too share your story. I was the proverbial “life of the party” from age 16 until the day of my 4oth Birthday, 11/06/2007. On that day instead of the kegger had planned for my big bash, I admitted myself to a rehab center for Alcohol and Addiction Recovery. This decision truly saved my family, my soul, and my life.

    My life had been great for so many years, so I thought! By the end of the disease’s peak, it was ripping away at my family, my goals, my career, each and every day.
    My husband and children could not take it any longer. They sat me down and said, “you need to go get help or pack your stuff and get out.” My lifestyle was affecting every part of my life in a very negative way. I was no longer the Life of the party, instead I was sitting alone in my basement drunk and high talking to my dog until 3-4 am every night. This did not make me that very kind and compassionate Registered Nurse that I once took so much pride in.
    Fast forward 4 years….We are the happiest family I know. This after counseling, acceptance, and lots and lots of forgiveness from all of those people I hurt along the way.
    I learned in my treatment program and AA so much about myself, and a brand new way to live that is better than I could ever have imagined. My husband stuck by me through it all. The years of watching me try to ruin our lives, unable, but trying to fix me.
    We celebrated 25 years of marriage Feb. 28,2012 with our now adult children who had huge smiles filled with pride on their faces. My husband and I have been together since college, had our first child my Sophomore year. Sudden parents at age 23 and 19! Its been a crazy rollercoaster ride, but in the end I too am extremely proud of us.
    I love hearing the success stories of people in Recovery, and I pray for those who lose their battle with this disease. You don’t truly understand its depth until you have lived it.
    Jillee, I thank you for your honesty, and look very forward to my new subscription to “One Good Thing”.

    Sincerely,
    your Sister in Recovery,

    Julie O.

    • tracy says

      I’m glad you got help I grew up with an alcholic mom and we no longer speak.If you had not received help you could of ended up like my mom.She is now suffering from the long term effects of alcohol abuse health wise,I hear it’s terrible.My parents divorced because of it.I am glad you had the strength to stop.No one will ever know what it’s like until they have walked in our shoes.I do not even know this person my mom turned into it’s ugly.I do have the happier times before she started her down ward spiral,but I cannot watch it any longer so I don’t.I did visit her 8 years ago only to find her drunk I was disgusted to say the least,but hung in there to visit for a bit.It justs turns someone you know so well into a different person.God Bless You and Your Family!Thanks for sharing your story.

      • chris says

        Dear Tracy, your mom sounds a lot like my dad. It hurt me a lot growing up and sometimes even now. I hope you are making your life happier for yourself. Chris

      • Julia says

        I was reading a reply on your blog (Tracy, how she grew up with an alcoholic mother and the effects it now has on her). I too grew up in a home with severe alcoholic parents (divorced also when I was young) and older brother (as many in the world have). My mother is the only still alive. I lost my father to liver & lung cancer (6 yrs ago), my brother to suicide (4 yrs ago) both due to severe substance/alcohol abuse. The health of my mother is sometimes rough because of the effects of alcohol and smoking (she also has quit), but, have to say I count my blessings that she has been in recovery for over 35 yrs and counting. With all of this, you would think that I would be a raging alcoholic, just the opposite. I have watch the struggles/fight of each to stay sober and on the right path, and it is something I have always chosen is not for me. Keep on living “One Day at a Time”, and leaning on friends/family. I thank my husband everyday for being who he is and God also.

    • anonymous says

      continue to be awesome because your post just rang very true for me :) i will be thinking of you and Jillee when things get tough and i want to turn to my old ways…..thank you from someone you will never know. you have no idea how much you both just changed my life.

    • Crazy Hiker says

      Mikako, how nice to hear a 15 yr old, you’re now 17, express themselves having much gratitude for those of us who can share and give advice or suggestions on how to make life a blessing by staying healthy. No it isn’t easy but it’s possible, just reading all these comments gives hope we can overcome the hurdles whether they be addiction or having forgiveness for the past after taking wrong turns in any shape or form. Stay strong and pass along what you learn.

  5. katie says

    help!!!! I tried the contact me but never got a response….
    O made the enzyme cleaner, added a bit of yeast, its been a few weeks, and it smells awful.
    Let me back up….
    I started without yeast, added yeast two weeks in, about two weeks ago, there is white Goo on top I keep stirring in, its smelling baaaad, no way this is going to become good smelling, is it???
    Oh, I also added some lime.
    Please, tell me!!!

    • Loh El says

      No she did not. Did you read the discussion on this page after you read the story at the top, or did you just scroll down and decide to ramble about an enzyme cleaner? I am guessing you never used yeast. Firstly, you may want to let it cool and shake it, that is if you are heating. I Would say heat it if it is liquified. I know when I bake, I have to heat the water, in order activate the yeast. Please post the link so maybe the readers can figure it out. I really think this is a pretty popular blog, and Julie is probably not able to get back to everyone so quickly.

      I would also maybe read about yeast. Yeast has a yeasty smell. But, if it works, I would just deal with the smell and rinse it off anyway. I am not sure about the chemical reaction with lime and yeast. It is an acid. Essence Oils are different, they are designed to be scents.

      I would need to have the link to be any further help.

  6. says

    What a wonderful (and horrifying) story! You are such an inspiration! Even though I don’t have a drinking problem, I am addicted to cigarettes. I’ve quit several times and always go back. Too bad there are no rehabs for smoking! (I wish there were)
    I don’t know what my passion is. I guess that’s my big problem. I’ve lost any direction in my life.
    I have medical problems that has caused me to go from a fast paced working life where I raised 2 children on my own, sometimes working 3 jobs to make ends meet and trying to give my children what they need and some of what they want, to almost a dead stop, drowning in self pity, which I HATE!! Your story tells me there is hope.
    I often dream of being able to plant and grow a garden, play kickball with my grandchildren, go shopping with my grown daughter, etc. but instead find myself weeping into my coffee.
    I know our situations are completely different but I tell you all this to let you know that I find hope and life in your blog. A glimmer of the person I use to be are in your pages. They stir up in me some motivation to try new things or just to persevere . Thank you so much for sharing your world with others. You do more good than you know.

    • Linda says

      I too was addicted to cigarettes for about 40 years. I quit a few years ago only to go into a depression (a side effect of quitting as cigarettes are an anti-depressant). The whole 5 months that I had quit I thought about cigarettes constantly. I went back to smoking. I only smoked about 5 cigarettes a day but I was still hooked. About a year ago I started on electronic cigarettes. They were great! They are healthier for you (no carcenogens (?), tar or any of the chemicals they put in cigaettes). The right e-cig is essential for success. I tried e-cigs a few years ago, but since I was being cheap about it, I didn’t continue with it. I researched the web to find an electronic cigarette that would make it a success. I made a decision & I will have been smoke free since October 6, 2011. Don’t be cheap about it, you definitely get what you pay for. The ones that you get at smoke shops or convenience stores are really not quality e-cigs. My preference is using an e-cig with a manual battery. It has a button to press to heat up the liquid. You get to control the amount of vapor & throat heat to receive. An automatic (without the button) battery shuts off after a few seconds & the amount of throat hit is minimal. Think about it. I recommend SmartVapors.com. Their prices are more reasonable than most & their flavors are pretty good. You will be surprised at how soon your taste buds come back & you breathe better. Plus you’ll smell better. I no longer smoke, I vape. Or, better yet…. I smoke batteries.

      • sharri says

        have you seen the reports about the harm that the vapors are causing in people?????
        there is no magic bullet, or easy path out of any addiction, persistence and doing the work. any addiction. I pray you good health and that you are able to overcome !!

      • Leslie says

        In case any of you fighting nicotine come back to this, please try Quitnet.com. I was very seriously addicted to cigarettes and thought I’d never quit. I thought I’d die smoking, and die from smoking. I stumbled across the website and have been smokefree for over 4.5 years.

        Jillee, thanks for opening this conversation, and thanks for writing a blog that I look forward to every day.

      • MahtaMouse says

        My boyfriend’s mother is dying of emphysema and ofcourse has the excuse that IF the doctor had told her, blaah blaah blaah, she’d have quit sooner; which any smoker knows is balagna. BF always said he knew he was going to die like his mom, but always continued smoking. The “patch” didn’t work. Now he has “early emphysema”. When he was diagnosed, I went online and researched e-cigs and bought him some along with the refill liquid (full nicotine to less nicotine until down to water vapor). Eventually he quit smoking all together. Those e-cigs were a blessing.

      • Libby says

        Joy, please keep trying. The more you try, the closer you will get to your final quit. One reason it is hard to stop smoking is that nicotine has a very short half life. Within 15 minutes or less after smoking, craving sets in. If you are able to not give in to the craves, they will become less and less until they completely go away.

        Like Leslie, I also went to Quitnet and I would never have made it without the wonderful people who are so supportive and helpful. They are very similar to AA’s (I’ve been sober 27 years) in that they are better able to stay quit when they help others.

        I thought I would never be able to quit, but I went to Quitnet every day and helped others as much as I could, especially those who found they were cross addicted after they quit. I have a lot of experience, strength and hope around cross addiction. I have been addicted to food, drama, spending, creating chaos, hoarding, and getting into addictive relationships, just to name a few.

        Switching addictions is jokingly referred to as switching deck chairs on the Titanic. :) I abstain from a lot of behaviors today because of that. I have to be very, very careful with food, which was my first addiction.

        Recovery is work, but it is joyful work to lead a life that has meaning and that is helpful to others. I wish you the best.

    • says

      I never have smoked, but my grandparents where (and one of them still is) addicted to smoking.

      I don’t know how you feel, but YOU HAVE A PURPOSE!! Sometimes, pastors can help people with addictions, even for somking. That could be an option! :-) I hope and pray you can find help!!

      I will pray for you!!
      Wanda

    • Erin says

      Find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or an Al-ANon meeting (for family & friends of alcoholics) and attend it even if you aren’t an alcoholic. You will find amazing people like Jillee who live right in your neighborhood who can become a support system to you. You will be inspired on a daily basis to hear of others who struggle with life but still find the will to continue. You will get hugs and make friends. This will help you beat the depression you face. The support system this provides is invaluable and best of all it is FREE you just have to show up. God bless.

    • Jesi says

      Finding an al-anon meeting is a great idea. I would also suggest, as someone who has struggled with depression, get your hormones checked…progesterone, estrogen, and make sure you’ve got a healthy, functioning thyroid. Take a 30 minute walk every day with the goal of getting some sunlight and a serotonin boost. I live in the pacific NW, so I at least get the serotonin:) , not sun so much. My last suggestion…find a healthy church (if you see lots of young families there, good sign), and plug in. This will serve a couple functions…there are oftentimes women’s groups of all types that you can plug into,, and make some great supportive friendships, and the messages you hear should serve as a barometer. They should help you to take stock of your relationships, your life, etc, So that if there are other underlying causes of depression, be it unforgiveness, etc…those things will often come to light.

      Your coffee should be enjoyable! Blessings!

    • Maurie Cootier says

      You’re an addict and that dependance IS the disease. Smoking, Alcohol, sex, gambling, heroine…what ever makes you feel better and takes over your life…that’s the result. Breaking the ‘habit’ isn’t the same as breaking the addiction. It’s a lifelong terminal disease that CAN go into remission based on how willing you are to tirelessly seek truth and live it. There IS a ‘nicotine rehab’. You clearly are feeling the pain of the ‘spiral’ down. How long do you want to stay there? That’s how long you will stay there? When do you want to climb out? That’s when you WILL climb out. Do YOU believe it? Go to a mirror and convince yourself for 60 secs. God is your ‘higher power’. Surrender to him, desist the lie of control, be painfully true to YOURSELF first, yet don’t rely on your own understanding! Seek God in all your ways and He will direct your paths. Do you BELIEVE that? Godspeed toward your victory over self destruction…to all who struggle.

  7. Linda says

    I am glad I took time to read your story this morning. I give you so much credit for your recovery and on going recovery. I look forward to your email in my box every morning. Your writing is so funny and enjoyable, I would never have guessed you had gone thru the dark part of your life. I have bought supplies to make the laundry detergent and just about everything you have given “recipes” to make. I wish there was a treatment center for procastinators. I also am working on becoming less of a hoarder – I love gadgets, which I will buy not just for me but for family members. They just shake their heads when I say “oh, I have something you can use to do that”. I will say most times they are happy I have the “something”, but I need to stop buying something that may not be used for a year. I do give myself credit that I know approximately where it is when needed, ie, in the basement right back corner, in the barn, etc. Keep up the great work in your personal life and your blogging. Take care

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