One of the reasons I LOVE this blog SO MUCH is because it can be whatever I want it to be! I mean really, how many things in life can you say that about??? Not that many. As a matter of fact, that’s one of the main reasons I started this blog. I wanted….no…..NEEDED to have someplace I could pursue what makes ME happy…what makes ME tick….what makes….ME.
There were a lot of years in my young married life, when my children were all small, that doing anything for ME was not even a part of my thought process. I mean I LOVED being a wife and a mother and all those things I always dreamed of as a girl growing up. We’re talking DEEP, STRONG, LOVE. The kind of love that can consume you if you’re not careful. And unfortunately I’ve never been one to be “careful”. I wouldn’t describe myself as RECKLESS, but I am most definitely not CAREFUL. I’m somewhere in between. I blame my Pisces nature.
Found this little nugget online tonight:
Pisces are not typical people. They are too idealistic and impractical for every day run of the mill living. Pisces are sensitive and instinctual rather than bookish or mechanical.
When Pisces find the right situations, they are capable of some incredible deeds. Pisces completely and wholly engage in a chosen path, to the exclusion of everything else. This obsessive compulsive energy can be healthy and not. Pisces can be workaholics (and other kind of -aholics too). Pisces are easily lured to drugs or alcohol for escape or distraction. Pisces should avoid this for obvious reasons, but particularly because of their highly addictive, compulsive nature.
How’s a Pisces girl supposed to overcome that? :-) I’m only joking…..well a little bit. I find astrology very interesting…but am also very much a believer in being able to really be whatever we want to be…if we try hard enough….and long enough in something we really believe in.
Wow, I really did not begin this post with the intention of waxing poetic about “finding your passion”….but it’s something I feel VERY strongly about. You see, a little over four years ago I was a “guest” at a residential treatment center for substance abuse. Not exactly a “guest”, but it’s hard to come up with a word for it. I wasn’t really a “patient”, cuz it wasn’t a hospital. It was actually a big, gorgeous, comfy home with lots of bedrooms and a great big kitchen at the heart of it where we all prepared our meals together. I wasn’t an “inmate” because I was free to leave at any time (there would be all SORTS of ramifications if I DID…but I COULD…if I wanted to). The official term used for those of us spending time there (and paying a LOT of money for the privilege!) was “resident”. Uninspired….but accurate.
That whole 78 day “resident adventure” is something that SOMEDAY I will write a lot more about….but not today. Today I simply remember and share with you, the most important “truth” I learned during that time. We all must find our passion and pursue it. (I really need to create a wall hanging of some sort to frame with that sentiment.)
In my case, my counselor (and woman I credit with saving my life) Gloria told me, my LIFE depended on it. Literally. It was painfully obvious what pursuing OTHER people’s dreams and passions up to that point had got me…..right where I was….a “resident guest” in rehab.
So when I “graduated” 78 days later, I vowed to do things differently. It hasn’t been easy, I haven’t been completely successful, I still struggle on a daily basis with my tendency to self-sabotage….but I’m a work in progress and SOMETHING must be working because I’m still sober 4 years, 1 month, 3 weeks and 3 days later. :-) Yay me!
So that’s just a little bit of insight into what “fuels” these websites/passions of mine. Thanks for letting me indulge in a little self-reflection tonight….it felt good.